I confess, in the 1970s one of my favorite songs was sung
by Neil Diamond. Every time the song played on the radio I
wailed along with him "I AM I CRIED..." It spoke to what
was churning in me at that stage in my life, uncertainty
over who I actually was, looking for a voice.
I didn't give much thought to it beyond that. And I didn't
give much thought to the phrase 'I am" and all the ways it
showed up in daily speech, for many years.
Then along came self-actualization courses, growth
programs, personal development gurus. Each of these offered
new ways of standing in front of a mirror, figurative or
literal, and learning techniques to shift self perception.
To change the words that follow the "I am..." of identity
in order to offer me new opportunities, possibilities, and
options for my present identity and future life.
I've loved immersing myself in every single one of them.
But frankly, I'm always taking in tools and techniques so I
can take them to my clients, and those particular tools
often required hours, days and even weeks of attention. Not
easy to translate into a discussion with a client.
This past week, one of my busy, overworked clients looked
me dead in the eye and said fiercely and militantly "I'm
rotten at managing."
We were discussing the poor performance of one of his new
hires; a young woman with little work experience who was
having a hard time learning how to follow through on
assignments he gave her. He was tense and frustrated and
angry at her for needing repeated time and attention from
him. He wanted a good fight and it might as well be with
me. She was making him 'work' at managing, and he expected
I was going to as well.
So I asked, "Do you mean you've tried to manage, with poor
results, or you can't be bothered to try?"
He paused. Well, let's call it a pause. He took a deep
breath and said "I am ..." and I interrupted him before he
finished the sentence.
I pulled out the big guns ' the howitzer of consulting and
coaching, the well-aimed powerhouse tool ... Actually, I
slipped in under his radar - I interrupted him.
"A part of me..."
I spoke it right over his voice and he stopped without
finishing the sentence.
"What?"
I repeated it. "A part of me..."
"A part of me, what?"
"Reword that sentence - A part of me is rotten at managing."
He sat there facing me, in silence, letting the words and
their implications settle in.
"You can hang on to that label, and make yourself right. Or
you can recognize it's only a part of you and open up the
world of options." I offered.
That simple change in wording gave him a choice. He could
choose between different realities and insist that 'all of
him' was rotten at something, and be darned proud of it. Or
he could declare that his effort had been lacking. Or that
some portion of himself might be rotten. But that last one
left a whole lot of himself that might have never actually
been given a chance to show what it might do by way of
managing.
And he sat there in the choice. He'd hired me to help him
get new results. And in that moment he was faced with the
fact that the results he was getting were due to the
identity he was fiercely and proudly holding onto. Being
rotten at managing meant the solution would have to come
from elsewhere, not him. His consultant was going to have
to solve this enormous, insurmountable problem for him!
"Try it," I said. "A part of me..."
"A part of me doesn't want to spend all the time managing
takes. It's distracting me from getting stuff done."
He changed the issue itself right then and there. And by
shifting his certainty and identity, the challenge melted
away, the guns were rolled back, the battle melted out of
existence.
"OK. So let me show you a simple, efficient way to walk her
through the assignment that will get her on track and get
you up a level in managing."
And he did. And I did. And she did. And a part of him is.
What about you?
© 2007 Linda Feinholz.
----------------------------------------------------
© 2007 Linda Feinholz Management expert, consultant,
and coach Linda Feinholz is "Your High Payoff Catalyst" If
you're ready to focus on your High Payoff activities, boost
your professional and personal results and have more fun,
get her FREE audio mini-course "7 Quick & Simple Steps to
Increase Your Focus, Ease Your Effort & Accelerate Your
Results" and the free weekly newsletter The Spark! Visit
http://www.YourHighPayoffCatalyst.com
No comments:
Post a Comment