It's an age-old annoyance - that co-worker whose style is
irritating. You know it shouldn't bug you, but it does.
There are plenty of sources of irritation. This week, let's
look at one of the most frequent, a fundamental difference
between people - where they get their energy.
We all essentially fall into one of two camps, and I bet
you can identify which one you are in without the help of a
therapist or a sophisticated assessment: extraverts get
most of their energy from the outer world of people, while
introverts get it from the inner world.
I once heard a fantastic analogy for this very fundamental
difference. It's so good, I'm passing it on to you. Imagine
that you have 20 coins in your pocket at the beginning of
the day. Each coin equals one unit of energy. For the
extravert, every interaction with another person adds one
more coin in the pocket. That's great for me. I'm an
extravert.
But for the introvert, well, he or she has to give up a
coin for each interaction. An interaction between an
introvert and an extravert is like an ATM machine of
energy. It goes out of the introvert and in to the
extravert, never to return.
How does this play out at work? This difference can lead to
huge leaping conclusions about a co-worker's intentions. I
recently saw this dynamic with one of my client groups.
The extraverts called meetings, but rarely sent an
objective or agenda or preparatory materials in advance.
The introverts showed up (if they absolutely had to)
already feeling shanghaied because they had no opportunity
to think about the topic in private.
Repeated requests for materials in advance fell on deaf
ears, because the extraverts rarely sat by themselves and
read materials in advance of a meeting, so they saw no real
value in it.
In the meetings, the extraverts wanted to make decisions
and commitments, because they unconsciously trusted what
was decided in a group environment more than a private one.
Now the introverts were really feeling fed up. From their
perspective, the decision was rushed, and it would be
unethical to make an important commitment without taking
some private time to reflect on it and critique it. So the
day after the meeting, they would start meeting one-on-one
with key decision-makers to delay or change the decision
that the extraverts had thought was final in the meeting.
End result: the extraverts thought the introverts were
political slime and the introverts thought the extraverts
were the same.
Here's how to bridge the divide in meetings:
1. Whether you're an extravert or an introvert, send an
agenda and materials for preparation in advance. Not an
hour in advance - at least a day!
2. All other things being equal, if you want a sounding
board for your ideas before a meeting, ask an extravert,
who's more likely to accommodate your request.
3. Allow for some interruptions rather than having a firm
"no interruptions allowed" rule because extraverts tend to
interrupt when they are interested in what someone is
saying, and the more excited the extravert gets, the more
likely he or she is to interrupt.
4. Likewise, don't hesitate to politely but firmly cut off
someone who's talking too long or combining too many points
at once.
5. Don't go around the room trying to get everyone to
participate equally. Introverts will speak up if they feel
no one is saying what needs to be said.
6. In the first meeting on a brand new topic, don't push
for a decision. Ask if people are ready to make a decision
or prefer a little time to reflect. If they want the time,
give them the time. If you try to deny this, your decision
will be undone by introverts doing their ethical duty days
after the meeting.
7. Maintain a little flexibility around process. We think
our trusted way of doing things is the best, but really
it's just one of several approaches that will get us to the
destination on time.
Always remember this: Introverts think to talk. Extraverts
talk to think. Plan accordingly and you may even find you
like each other.
----------------------------------------------------
Jennifer Selby Long, Founder and Principal of Selby Group,
provides executive coaching and organizational development
services. Jennifer's knack is helping clients navigate the
leadership and organizational challenges triggered by
change and growth. She knows firsthand that great plans
often fail because companies don't take into account the
human factors that come into play when implementing them.
Visit Jennifer at: http://selbygroup.com
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