We need a coach to hold us accountable. Who is responsible
for making the choices in my life? I am! Sometimes I'm
listening to a client and I hear about what someone is
"doing to her", and what she's being "forced to do", or how
someone is "making her feel."
I want to be clear. People don't do things to us; people do
things for themselves. People don't set out thinking,
"Today I'm going to make someone miserable. I'm going to
create some distrust, and I think I'll make someone feel
devalued. Yep, that should be a good day's work!"
When things happen to us, we need to think, "It is what it
is." Not like it's good or bad. Not like it's right or
wrong. Just that it is what it is, and how will I respond?
Because I choose how I respond.
That's a little provocative, huh? Well, I'll be bold and
say it again. I choose how I respond. I choose to get
angry. I choose to be offended. I choose to be
disappointed. And I choose to be supportive, generous,
forgiving, understanding. I choose to be happy. Nobody
"makes me feel" anything! I choose it! And I can un-choose
it! (I'm sure that's not a word, but it's exactly what I
mean!)
We make the best choice with the information we have, and
we can make another choice with new information. The danger
zone lies in where we get that information. If it comes
from our internal conversation, the little voice in our
head that tells us wild, imagined stories about how
something is going down, it could be a lie!
So a coach will help me to hear the truth. A coach will ask
me the right questions, and reframe my experience to
something closer to reality, rather than my imagined
experience. A coach will help me get naked with my
responses, and not allow me to hide in my rationalizations.
Do you know how I spell rationalize? "Rational lies."
Because they sound awfully good, but they're totally
self-serving designed to get me off the hook. Thank
goodness for my coach, who won't let me get away with that
stuff!
Talking regularly with a coach helps to keep us on course
with our goals and the work we're doing to self-discover
and transform. This regular contact is essential. It's easy
to get a little bit off track if we're not checking in, by
the time we realize it we can be so far off that it could
take weeks to get back on our path.
I like to describe the journey of coach and client as like
traveling down the garden path.
You could travel down the path on your own. You're not
really sure of the way, and you could take a few wrong
turns and have to retrace your steps, and at times you'll
make choices as to which fork in the road to take, and
ultimately you will arrive at a destination. It may or may
not be the one you expected, but it will definitely be the
one you chose. I call this the Road of Self Discovery.
You could have a coach who tied you up and bundled you off
to your destination, or one that dragged you, kicking and
screaming, into your future. You'd get someplace, and even
if it was your place of choice, the fact that you were
dragged against your will creates resistance to success,
and the chances are you will return to your original state.
Or you could have a coach who guides you down the path
directing, sometimes leading, always supporting. Take two
steps here; watch out for that rock guiding you while you
do all the moving toward your goal.
And this coach is also your biggest fan. "Hey, you can do
it. I believe in you! Keep going!" Being the best you can
be may not be enough, you may need some teaching and
coaching to get you there.
A basketball coach doesn't just tell you what you're doing
right; he also puts you through some drills to work on
skills, and continually goes through the basics. The role
of a business or life coach is to do the same thing -
identify areas for growth and take you through activities
to help you get results. It is with a coach that you are
held accountable and that the buck stops here!
----------------------------------------------------
Shelley Herzog is co-author of How to Coach A Fish: 12
Weeks of Incredible Coaching. Known as the Wealthy Coach,
she helps life & business coaches create lucrative coaching
practices quickly & easily. For more information, go to
http://www.TheWealthyCoach.com .
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