There is no quicker way to career suicide than to proclaim
yourself a victim. No one likes victims – people are
attracted to problem solvers and people in the know –
they are repelled by self proclaimed victims.
A true story to describe my point:
In a meeting of managers discussing a number of issues, one
of the managers made the statement - a number of times -
that " No one ever told him anything." This came as a
surprise to the other managers - they thought he was
actually one of the really plugged - in people. After he
made himself a victim - by his own words - his influence
and leverage disappeared. Who would want to seek out a
person who was told nothing - and, by inference, knew
nothing? Funny thing - he was one of most plugged in people
in a really secretive organization. He had more information
than most – and was regarded that way. But that
changed. And all because he gave himself up –
proclaimed himself a victim – and in his case, he
wasn't – he just perceived himself as out of the loop.
Have you ever known people that have done the same thing?
Have you ever been guilty of it yourself?
It's the quickest way to career suicide in any job. And the
person who commits this self inflicted wound is usually
just looking to get a little sympathy and understanding
from all the kind people they work with. They don't see it
as complaining. Huge mistake. It's almost impossible to
feel any real sympathy or empathy for a self proclaimed
victim. There are too many people who are working hard to
redeem and survive and grow and prosper to feel any kind of
regard for those "woe is me" types.
I don't mean to imply that you should act as if you have
all the answers and are plugged in to everything that goes
on in your world - that approach creates it's own problems.
But complaining without a constructive goal is a really
unattractive behavior - and people avoid that behavior like
the plague, and, if it persists, they punish it.
So the next time you're tempted to reach for your crying
towel and complain - stop.
Then: Remind yourself that shooting yourself in the foot is
very painful. Then remind yourself that the subject of your
complaint is probably shared by other people. Then remind
yourself that in every complaint is the seed for a
constructive thought or comment or, even better, action.
Then go in the direction of providing solutions. The upside
to that behavior is so positive, and the downside? Well,
there is no downside.
Start today – now. And if you know a self –
proclaimed victim, copy this article and leave it where
they will find it. Others have done that – and it
works – some of the time.
----------------------------------------------------
Andy Cox helps clients align their resources and design and
implement change through the application of goals focused
on the important few elements that have maximum impact in
achieving success - as defined by the client. He can be
reached at http://www.coxconsultgroup.com or
acox@coxconsultgroup.com
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