Imagine that tomorrow you meet someone who you will readily
welcome into your life. This is a very special kind of
person, one who looks right past the superficial parts of
your personality, your typical defenses, the insecurities
you've worked so hard to mask, and the failings you're
ashamed to admit, let alone accept. Imagine that this new
person sees all of you and simply accepts you for who you
really are -a unique individual who wants to be special,
make a contribution, and use their most precious talents to
make a real difference in the lives of others. At the same
time, this new person also sees how your personality,
defenses, and insecurities get in the way of you performing
at your best. This person knows when you subtly sell
yourself short in your work and career, in pursuing your
passions and dreams, and in your expectations for the
future. And she won't let you get away with it any more.
She cares about you too much to let this continue.
Because this person sees the real you and cares, she will
not accept anything less from you than your very best. With
a deep appreciation for who you are, this person confronts
you with a level of honesty that does not allow you to deny
the truth of your potential. At the same time, she
recognizes clearly that this is your challenge -not hers.
The only thing that's certain is that she is going to hold
you accountable for becoming the very best version of
yourself.
What would it be like to have just such a person so
completely on your side? Now, imagine what it would be like
to be that person for others.
The Power of Appreciation
The power of a positive, appreciative relationship is not a
recently discovered principle of human behavior. Socrates
and Plato both believed that all individuals possessed
inherent wisdom and talents, and could make significant
contributions to humanity by focusing on and developing
their gifts.
In modern Western thought, the idea can be traced back to
the 1950's, most notably in the work of psychologist Carl
Rogers. Rogers believed strongly that a climate of trust
and respect was essential to facilitating a person's
ability to develop in a positive and constructive manner.
He created a therapeutic model around this theory which he
called client-centered therapy. "If I can provide a certain
type of relationship," Rogers explains, "the other person
will discover within him/herself the capacity to use that
relationship for growth and change, and personal
development will occur." Rogers' theory garnered much
attention among psychologists in the 1950's and 1960's, and
it remains influential today to the practice of high
performance coaching in the workplace.
In 1987, David Cooperrider and Suresh Srivastva published a
ground-breaking paper entitled "Appreciative Inquiry in
Organizational Life." In it, they outlined what they
called the Appreciative Inquiry (AI) method for
organizational change and development. Essentially, AI
takes Rogers' ideas about client-centered therapy and
applies them to organizations instead of individuals. As
its name suggests, AI aims to identify, support, and
perpetuate the very best in an organization through
structured questioning. The authors recognized the
motivation people gain from their own visions of success
and suggested that pointing out and celebrating success in
an organization, rather than focusing on flaws and
failures, resulted in greater improvement in overall
performance. According to Cooperrider and Srivastva,
"organizations change in the direction in which they
inquire." An organization which looks for problems to fix
will find and focus on problems; one which seeks out the
positive things within itself will succeed in identifying
all that is already working well and therefore can focus on
doing more of those things.
Even in the most difficult of times, we can find signs of
life and hope if we look for them. The things we choose to
pay attention to and the attitude we have toward change and
development can make all the difference to the results we
get. Whether our focus in on the individual or the
organization, performance improves when we focus on our
successes, talents, passions and the future potential which
exists.
The Expectation/Performance Connection
Consider for a moment the people with whom you work most
closely. Who would you classify as your A players? Your B
players? What distinguishes these groups from one another?
What characteristics are shared by A players? What do the B
players have in common? What thoughts do you have most
frequently about each group?
Now consider this: they know how you rate them.
Whether you express your assessments verbally or not, the
people on your team have a pretty good idea into which
category you have placed them. We're always more
transparent than we would like to believe; the truth is we
communicate our opinions quite clearly, often
unconsciously, through a variety of verbal and non-verbal
cues. For example, we will change the tone of our voice
depending on whom we are addressing. Or, we will avoid eye
contact with some while granting others our full attention.
More often than not, the people around us know what we
think of them and -here is the crux of coaching -people
live up to or down to our expectations of them. When we
think of others as unmotivated, incompetent, or
unintelligent, they know it and will typically resent us
for it. They will dislike working with us and will attempt
to avoid us whenever possible. However, when we think of
others as unique, talented, and developing, people know
this as well and will respond accordingly: they will like
how they feel about themselves in our presence. They will
desire to work with us, and will grant us their
discretionary effort. They will allow us concessions they
will not allow of others. We will have gained their loyalty
-a rare commodity today.
If we want to coach others for exceptional performance, we
begin by thinking well of them. Only then can we heighten
their awareness of their value, strength, and performance
potential. By bringing an appreciative attitude into our
relationships, we help others overcome the limits they have
imposed upon themselves, and significantly expand the
possibilities available to them. Great coaching leaves a
legacy of people who know their greatest strengths and as a
result, have the internal motivation to seek opportunities
in which to deploy them.
A Perfect Partnership
The high performance coaching relationship is a Perfect
Partnership: it is a relationship that sees others at their
very best; challenges them to examine their own gifts,
talents and aspirations; and ultimately, holds them
accountable to become the very best version of themselves.
Try This: Think of one person with whom you work. What
untapped potential do you see in them that they might not
see in themselves? Make a point to tell them today. Find
one opportunity to do this each day until it becomes a
leadership habit. Notice how people change in their
relationship with you.
----------------------------------------------------
Gregg Thompson is President of Bluepoint Leadership
Development (http://www.bluepointleadership.com ) and
author of Unleashed!: Expecting Greatness and Other Secrets
of Coaching for Exceptional Performance
(http://www.unleashedcoach.com). He can be reached at
greggthompson@bluepointleadership.com
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