Quick, do the math.
What's two times zero? Zero. What's 20 times zero? Still
zero, right? What about 200 times zero, 2,000 times zero,
or even 2,000,000 times zero?
Anything times zero is still zero. It doesn't matter how
big a number you put in that equation, if it's multiplied
by zero, it will always be zero.
I have seen talented, gifted, and brilliant leaders do the
same thing to their business, multiply all its incredible
potential times zero, by failing to do one thing: keeping
their cool in conflict.
Angry words and emotional outbursts may feel good at the
time, but they destroy our relationships with people. And
it is people, energized, empowered, and inspired people,
who bring us the success we seek.
THREE KEYS TO KEEPING YOUR COOL IN CONFLICT
Conflict happens in business. You can't avoid it. So take a
different approach, use these three keys, each beginning
with the letter S:
1. Before saying anything, STOP. Collect your emotions and
stay in control.
The first thing that happens to us in a tense situation is
that our emotions sense danger and adrenaline begins to
surge through our system. When that happens, we instantly
become more focused, more intense, and more prone to act.
Drunk on adrenaline we say things and do things that we
regret later. Anyone who saw Tom Cruise jump like an idiot
on Oprah's couch knows what I mean! This is referred to as
"emotional hijacking" and it's an apt image. Our emotions
charge to cockpit of our airplane, take over the controls,
and crash our life, and our relationships, into the ground.
When that overwhelming impulse to act flows through you.
STOP. Do nothing. Get control BEFORE you say anything,
BEFORE you do anything.
2. Create a positive context where your words can be heard.
Be SAFE.
When you have collected your emotions and are ready to
speak, create the context where you can be heard. A wise
person once said, "No one cares how much you know until
they know how much you care."
This is best done by first saying what you are NOT saying.
In other words, if you needed to speak with an employee who
is always late for meetings, you could create a positive
context by saying, "I don't want you to think, Tom, that I
am not pleased with the quality of your work. I am. I want
us to continue working together for years to come. But
punctuality is an important issue for me and I need you to
be on time for our meetings."
By saying what you are NOT saying first, you create safety,
a platform so to speak, for the issue you need to address.
3. Say what you have to say in an open, non-confrontational
way. Be SOUND.
When you get to the issue at hand, state it clearly,
plainly, and factually. The tendency we have when operating
under the influence of adrenaline is to exaggerate our
point and press out position too hard. This is not sound
and will cause people to reject in its entirely what we
have to say.
A good exercise in being sound is summarizing the issue in
25 words or less. If you can't do that, perhaps you are too
emotional to deal with it. A 25 word summary is simple,
consice, and tends to be more sound than an endless rant.
And when you are done writing out the 25 words, you may
decide it doesn't matter anymore and drop the whole thing
entirely.
Here's the beauty of these three S's: you can actually
remember them! The next time the pressure's on and you're
tempted to lose your cool, just walk though these three
powerful steps: STOP, be SAFE, be SOUND.
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
When we handle ourselves well in conflict, an amazing thing
happens. The zero is replaced by a number that actually
increases the value of our business and the impact of our
leadership.
VitalSmarts, an organizational consulting firm that works
exclusively in the field of workplace communication,
reports in their best-selling book Crucial Conversations,
"Strong relationships, careers, organizations, and
communities all draw from the same source of power—the
ability to talk openly about high-stakes, emotional,
controversial topics. So here's the audacious claim. Master
your crucial conversations and you'll kick-start your
career, strengthen your relationships, and improve your
health. As you and others master high-stakes discussions,
you'll also vitalize your organization and your community."
That's the payoff!
----------------------------------------------------
Bill Zipp, President of Leadership Link, Inc., is a
seasoned small business specialist. Bill has spent
thousands of hours working with hundreds of business
leaders, and his proven program, The Business Fitness™
System, provides a step-by-step plan for building a strong,
self-sustaining small business. For a FREE Special Report,
The 3 Biggest Killers of Small Businesses Today (And What
YOU Can Do About Them!) visit http://www.LeadershipLink.net
.
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