Sooner or later you will have to ask someone to buy
something from you. Whether you have a retail store, and a
couple has been admiring an expensive couch for the last 20
minutes, or you are a consultant or coach who has just
finished an initial conversation with a potential client,
the question is waiting to be asked. "So, are you ready to
buy?"
I've found that this is a very sacred time, when a
potential sale is approaching. Because it is so sacred,
after you ask someone to purchase, the moment can feel very
pregnant indeed. The air can suddenly seem so thick you
could cut it with a knife.
As a business owner, the worst thing you can do is splash
into this space with more words. It's time to be silent and
wait for their answer. After all, you asked a question,
it's their turn now. It's best to be silent and wait.
But why is it so tempting to jump in?
When you ask the question, what you are really doing is
painting a picture of the future. They don't have a couch,
and you've just painted a picture of the future where they
suddenly have a couch. They also have less money than they
did before (having spent it on the couch.) It's a future
they haven't lived in yet.
But they've already been considering the purchase for at
least 20 minutes, possibly much longer, why should your
question add to the situation? Because they can't create
that future on their own: they need your help. When you
show up and ask the question, all the pieces line up to
make this potential future a reality. It helps them step
towards the future they want.
Suddenly, it's real.
Sufi teachings, as well as quantum physics, teach us that
reality is being created anew in every moment. We're all
99.9% empty space, with some charged particles bouncing
around inside. The experience of our physical reality is
constantly in motion, being given life again and again and
again in every new version of the Now.
Mostly we live in oblivion of this (thankfully). It would
be pretty hard to get through the day if you had to
experience the utter nothingness and miracle of rebirth
every time you sit down to eat your grapefruit.
I'm not going to suggest that every time someone considers
buying from you you need to deliver an ecstatic moment :-).
But I do believe that whenever we consider taking an action
that could significantly change our lives, strong emotions
come to the surface.
Your question is the catalyst.
When you ask the question, you suddenly took a powerful
potentiality and --boom-- solidifed it. And your future is
at stake too- in a few minutes you may no longer have a
couch, and your business may be $2000 richer.
Once you ask the question, the most effective thing you can
do is give your potential customer the silent treatment.
Just be quiet. Shhh. Zip it. Don't say anything.
Mmmmphpbbbmmmhphbb...
Shush! :-)
Why it's so hard to stay silent: Sympathy versus Empathy
Sympathy is "feelings of pity and sorrow for another's
misfortune." Empathy is "the ability to understand and
share the feelings of another." Most of us are trained, in
challenging situations, to go into sympathy.
Example of sympathy: "I'm so sorry the garbage truck
smashed your car." Example of empathy: "I saw what that
truck did to your car. I'm guessing you are pretty angry
and upset."
The difference? The sympathetic statement focused on you-
how you felt about your friend's car. The empathy focused a
statement of witnessing "I saw what the truck did to your
car," and then your best reasonable, heart-felt guess on
how your friend feels about their own car. In sympathy, you
steal the spotlight. Empathy you give the other person
centerstage.
So how can you keep silent? And what does it have to do
with your business?
Keys to the Silent Treatment, and an example
• While you are sitting there silent, instead of focusing
on them, bring your attention to yourself. How are you
feeling? Nervous? Tense? Excited? Enthusiastic? Let
yourself take a few moments, your prospective customers
won't notice- they're busy in their own thoughts. Notice
how your body feels, notice any emotions you are feeling.
Don't try to change your emotions- if you are nervous, be
nervous! Notice how nervous feels, and make space for it.
And breathe.
• After you've checked in, begin to ask your heart, "Hmmm,
if I'm feeling this way, I'm wondering how they might be
feeling." Look at them, or, if you are on the phone, pay
attention to the tone of their voice. Do they sound or look
tense? Excited? Calm? See if you can empathize- that is,
feel the same feelings you are imagining they might have.
• Finally, bring your attention to your heart. If you have
done the Remembrance, or another heart-centering exercise,
you may have noticed a vast feeling of spaciousness in your
heart. That space is big enough to hold how you feel, and
how your prospective customer feels, without needing to
change or fix anything.
• Example: Someone called me about coaching- someone who is
'known' in their world, and I was a little nervous thinking
"This person called little me." In discussing my individual
services, and my price, I realized I was starting to babble
a little bit. I took a breath, made room for my
nervousness, and the tension in my shoulders and belly. I
reminded myself it was okay, that I was here only to be of
service, which of course reminded me that they called me-
that they needed help. Ahhh, maybe I don't need to be so
nervous after all. This person needs help... hmmm... I
wonder how they are feeling?
Staying in my heart, using Remembrance to connect to them
silently, I zipped my lips, and only answered the questions
asked. Result? New client. Why? I'm convinced it wasn't my
fancy words, but my silence.
Let yourself rest in that spaciousness, and wait to hear
how your prospective customer answers your question. If
they ask a question, answer it, and then rest back into
your heart. You'll be giving them the heart-centered silent
treatment.
And you might be surprised when they say, "Yes. How do I
pay?"
----------------------------------------------------
Mark Silver is the author of Unveiling the Heart of Your
Business: How Money, Marketing and Sales can Deepen Your
Heart, Heal the World, and Still Add to Your Bottom Line.
He has helped hundreds of small business owners around the
globe succeed in business without lousing their hearts. Get
three free chapters of the book online:
http://www.heartofbusiness.com
No comments:
Post a Comment