If we're going to put so much effort into framing coaching
questions in the right way then it follows that we should
be equally concerned with really listening to the responses
we get. We need to employ the skill of active listening.
Listening happens at 3 levels:
Active
Conversational
Superficial
The bottom level, Superficial, is what we do when we're
hearing but not listening. We might have a conversation at
a party trying to take an interest in what another guest is
saying but really having our attention elsewhere, perhaps
on some other conversation we suspect would be far more
interesting.
The problem is that we are only hearing what the other
guest is saying, not listening, so we often get confused,
lose track of the conversation or end up having to ask them
to repeat what they just said.
In a coaching session this would be extremely damaging. If
we're only hearing superficially because our mind is
elsewhere, it will be reflected in our body language and
the person being coached will know immediately. This will
destroy any trust in the coaching relationship and make it
unlikely that the coaching will result in any useful
outcome.
The next level, Conversational, is the sort of listening
that most of us do most of the time. In conversational
listening, we listen while our partners talk and vice
versa. However the danger here is that while the other
person is talking, we are concentrating on making our next
point, rather than truly focusing on what the other person
is saying.
This is quite a challenge when you start coaching, as it
can be hard to keep the questions flowing when you're not
used to it. It's better to pause and think of the next
question when the person's finished speaking rather than
dwell on it when they are in full flow.
We must also watch out for the habit of finishing other
people's sentences for them. Invariably we do not pick the
words they would have chosen for themselves and all we've
ended up doing is disrupting the flow of their thinking and
making them feel hurried.
So we need to work hard to reach the top level, Active
Listening. Put simply active listening is about clearing
our minds of all other distractions and really tuning in to
what the other person is saying with as much focus as we
can muster. This is easier said than done and takes a lot
of time and practise to develop but is well worth the
effort.
On a practical level it means we should try not to coach
when we're in a hurry or preoccupied with something else.
Neither should we run a coaching session in a noisy
environment or one that is likely to get to hot or too
cold. It's impossible to actively listen in such
circumstances.
----------------------------------------------------
Matt Somers is a coaching practitioner of many years'
experience. He works with a host of clients in North East
England where his firm is based and throughout the UK and
Europe. Matt understands that people are working with their
true potential locked away. He shows how coaching provides
a simple yet elegant key to this lock. His popular
mini-guide "Coaching for an Easier Life" is available FREE
at http://www.mattsomers.com
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