I'm guessing you spend a certain amount of time
daydreaming...
Daydreaming of what it will be like when you hit 'the big
time.' When your finances are really abundant. When you
become well-known in your field. When you make that next
big step, whatever it is.
Dreams of lolling around on silk sheets with peeled grapes
and fizzy drinks. Dreams of giving away as generously as
you've always wanted to. Dreams coming true.
Why are those dreams so elusive?
Comfort is the problem.
Living those dreams seems so... comfortable, doesn't it?
Having all you need, an abundant generosity, and so forth.
Living the good life, you would think, is very comfortable.
But, it's not. At least not at first.
How can that be? Well, let's look at what comfort is.
Merriam-Webster defines comfort, in part, as "Contented
well-being. A satisfying or enjoyable experience."
For most of us, contented well-being, or a satisfying or
enjoyable experience has to do with familiarity. When
things are familiar, we tend to be more comfortable. The
more unfamiliar things get, the less comfortable we become.
Get into a situation that's very unfamiliar, and you can
end up feeling panicked, overwhelmed, disoriented. Don't
believe me?
Not all parties are fun.
Let's say you're invited to a party. And you get dressed up
in the best you have. But, when you show up, everyone is
dressed even better. Black tie, tuxedos, evening gowns.
Caviar everywhere. What's more, you don't really know
anyone.
Would you have what it takes to stand on the threshold of
that party, see all the tuxedos, the unfamiliar faces, to
look down at yourself as underdressed, and still walk in?
I bet that you could muster up what it takes. But I'm also
betting that you'd feel uncomfortable, not having fun,
until you found someone you liked in a comfortable corner,
and started to settle down.
As human beings, we can only handle so much unfamiliarity,
before the adrenalin overwhelms us, and we start to shut
down.
Success is uncomfortable.
If you have goals you are wanting to reach, then, by
definition, you aren't there yet. You live in your life as
it is now, and your daydreams, your successful life is
somewhere else. Maybe even somewhere you've never been.
It's unfamiliar territory. Which means, by definition, that
it's uncomfortable.
Personal success story: Fear and overwhelm.
You can ask my mastermind group what happened to me when
Heart of Business started flying financially. Joy and
celebration? Easy street?
No way, Jose. A strange, unnerving feeling in my belly and
my chest. Disorienting. An inclination to sob at times,
without knowing exactly why.
It took a couple of months to re-orient, and feel
comfortable in our new surroundings.
How do you get up the nerve to enter the success party?
Well, a Sufi teaching leads the way. Read:
Keys to Success
• Sufi teaching: The ego clings to comfort. The heart seeks
truth.
It's tempting to believe that if it's comfortable, then
you're on your path. But if you're attached to feeling
comfortable, you may not get yourself into the party.
For you, it may be more comfortable to forget the fancy
party and go get a hamburger. Don't do this- go into the
party, even if you're uncomfortable!
People go get the hamburger all the time. If your business
has a month where a lot more money than you're used to
comes in, watch for your tendency to spend it quickly, on
things you can't even remember.
That kind of spending brings you back down to what you're
used to: not having as much, which, despite how
uncomfortable that can be, it has the trump card: the
comfort of being familiar.
See if you notice any impulsive moves you make to cling to
comfort, that move you away from success.
• How to tell truth.
Think of something challenging that you've accomplished
lately, something that just 'felt right' to do. Something
that took courage, or effort.
Take a moment and feel the effort and the struggle that you
put into accomplishing it. Then, take a moment and ask to
feel in your heart the truth of the situation.
Truth has a timeless quality that goes beyond the action or
accomplishment in the moment. You can find a subtle settled
feeling of 'rightness' in your heart, despite the struggle.
In moments of struggle or discomfort, take time with your
heart to see if that 'rightness' is present. If it is, keep
going. If it isn't, maybe you can stop struggling.
• Knowing when you need comfort.
If you spend too much time out of your comfort zone, your
ability to grow and learn becomes impaired, as you go into
overwhelm. Without comfort, true healing isn't possible.
Luckily, there are ways to get comfort, without veering
from the truth.
In the fancy party, you can take a break by going out into
the garden alone, or going into the bathroom. This will
give you a chance to catch your breath, and to take
assurance that you do belong here- just look at your
handwritten invitation! ;)
On your way to business 'success,' however you define it,
if you notice yourself starting to panic or freak out,
don't go running out and get the hamburger. Instead take a
bathroom break.
First let yourself be conscious of your need for comfort,
and take a moment to ask your heart, "What will help to
comfort and soothe me, without taking me away from truth?"
Whatever you get, do that until the comfort comes in and
you can calm down.
Ahhh... now, to continue on your way to success.
----------------------------------------------------
Mark Silver is the author of Unveiling the Heart of Your
Business: How Money, Marketing and Sales can Deepen Your
Heart, Heal the World, and Still Add to Your Bottom Line.
He has helped hundreds of small business owners around the
globe succeed in business without lousing their hearts. Get
three free chapters of the book online:
http://www.heartofbusiness.com