Bill Gates and Warren Buffett have it. Bill Clinton is a
master; so was Ronald Reagan. Dr. Martin Luther King,
Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Theresa used it to inspire
millions of people.
In fact, I believe that this single skill is so critical,
it is virtually impossible to succeed at anything without
it, at least not in any meaningful way.
I'm not talking about positive thinking; assertiveness;
negotiating skills; an improved vocabulary, appearance or
education; or even the "secret" law of attraction. All of
these things are great, and might even contribute to
success. But they're of little value without the skill I'm
referring to.
So just what is this super power, used every day by the
world's most successful people to achieve greatness?
Very simply, it is the ability to put yourself in the place
of another.
Can it really be that simple? Just walking a mile in
someone's shoes? Well, there's a bit more to it than that.
But if you can truly understand and appreciate a given
situation from the other person's point-of-view, there is
almost nothing you can't accomplish.
Let me explain. Close your eyes and imagine yourself being
super successful at whatever it is you want to achieve.
Business or career achievement, financial abundance, public
acclaim, positive relationships. Don't just envision the
final results - all that money, the big house, the yacht,
the respect, the fun. Think about what you would actually
have to do to make it all happen.
What kinds of actions, interactions, transactions,
conversations, activities are you engaged in? What do you
look like in your picture? Are you happy, confident,
self-assured? Are there other people in your scene? What do
they look like? Are they working against you, struggling or
fighting with you, disagreeing with your opinions, trying
to make you fail? Or are they cooperating, accepting what
you say and do, contributing to your success. Are they
buying what you're selling, showing you respect, supporting
your efforts, doing what you ask of them?
In fact, in order to achieve almost any type of success --
or in other words, in order to get something you want that
you don't have now ' you must have the involvement of
others.
That's right, in just about every area of life, the one
thing you absolutely need to succeed is the cooperation,
acceptance, approval, buy-in, support or agreement of at
least one other person, and probably many more. You might
like you believe you can do it all on your own - but in
almost every case, you simply cannot. Somebody, somewhere
has to respond to your efforts in a favorable manner, one
that supports your goals.
For example, if you're in sales and want to achieve greater
selling success, it is necessary for customers or clients
to buy more from you.
If you are interested in fast-tracking your career, you'll
need the acknowledgment and recognition of the person or
people you report to.
You will never land your dream job unless the person doing
the hiring offers it to you.
Negotiating a sweetheart business deal is only going to
happen if the person on the other side of the table says,
"yes" to your offer.
The list of examples goes on and on. In the sixteenth
century, John Donne wrote, "No man is an island, entire of
itself," and it seems he was absolutely correct. When you
really think about it, almost nothing ever happens without
the participation of others. And by developing the ability
to view your interactions with others, whether across a
conference room table or the dinner table, from their
position, you will be better able to negotiate an outcome
that is beneficial to both of you.
In other words, win-win solutions.
Corporate leaders take their businesses to new heights by
understanding the needs of their customers, employees and
shareholders ' and providing the value they demand.
Politicians must speak to the desires and hopes of voters
in order to get elected.
Spiritual leaders touch the hearts of entire populations,
inspiring great acts of sacrifice, responsibility and
charity.
Why not give it a try, and see what kind of results you
begin to achieve. Here are some simple steps to get you
started.
1. Learn as much as you can about the people you deal with.
Who are they really? What matters to them? What do they
like? What do they fear? What kind of background do they
come from? Advertisers know this; so do politicians. The
more information you have about the people you interact
with, and what makes them "tick," the better able you will
be to connect.
2. Try to pretend you are the other person or people. How
do you feel? What gets you excited? What makes you angry?
And most important, what would it require to make you feel
good about taking the next step toward an mutually
beneficial agreement?
3. Look for the common connection. Consider what really
matters to the other person, and also what matters to you.
Is there some common thread, some place to find mutual
agreement? Search for a way to share a common goal or
desired outcome, and build on that.
4. Communicate with them in their language. If the person
you're dealing with spoke only Japanese, it would be
difficult for you to make headway (assuming you didn't
speak the language). It's not just what they need to hear,
it's how they need to hear it that counts. Learn their
unique language, and speak it to them. Is it simple or
technical? Warm and friendly or businesslike? Quiet or
excited? Think about the great communicators of our time,
and how they deliver their messages, and you'll see how
important it is to use the right style of communication.
Note: There is an added benefit to approaching your
dealings with others in this way. Not only will you start
getting more of what you want ' you'll enjoy greater
respect in the process.
Go ahead -- put yourself in their place. And see what
happens. I can't promise you'll be the next Gates, Buffett
or Clinton. Then again, you never know...
----------------------------------------------------
Keith Harmeyer is EVP of Marketing and Creative Services at
C2 Creative in New York City. He is a marketing,
communication and presentation skills expert, author,
speaker and creator of The SuperSkill (sm), a proven method
for using traditional marketing techniques to achieve
personal and professional success. You can email Keith at
kaharmeyer@gmail.com, or visit his website at
http://www.thesuperskill.com .
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