I recently had a conversation with a manger we were
training as a coach who was concerned at the level of
apathy and even hostility his coachees were displaying. He
explained that the normal reaction to being coached was for
his staff to cross their arms, lean back in their chairs
and adopt an almost 'bet you can't coach me!' attitude. No
doubt these same people would leave the coaching
conversation thinking 'See. I've won. You can't coach me!'
How sad.
I suggested that he adopt a less well known coaching tool
called Transposing to help him work this through.
Transposing asks you to put yourself in another's position
and ask: What am I thinking, what am I feeling and what do
I want?
I asked the manager to think of one particular individual -
let's call him Doug. When we transposed Doug we realised
that he was thinking "Oh God, what have I done wrong? If
I'm being coached, I must be seen as underperforming!"
We also figured that Doug was feeling anxious and
uncertain. His interactions with management at the company
in the past had usually resulted in a 'telling off' in some
shape or form. No wonder he was acting like a beaten dog
and holding himself stiff until the next beating arrived.
Our biggest insight came when we considered what it was
that Doug might want. We realised that given his prevailing
thoughts and feelings, he would want to get out of the
meeting as soon as possible; with his dignity intact.
It was now obvious why Doug was so reluctant to get
involved and the manager and I were able to devise a way he
could position coaching to overcome these thoughts and
feelings. It happened that Doug was a massive sports fan
and so his manager pointed out that Tiger Woods, David
Beckham and so on were all incredible performers with very
little wrong with their games, and yet these same people
valued their relationship with their coach above all
others. He also pointed out that sports coaches were
rarely, if ever, better performers than there clients, but
that this was not the point. This lead to Doug realising
that coaching was not about his manager just telling him
what to do, how to do it, and pointing out all his
mistakes. Instead it was an opportunity for Doug to explore
his working life and find ways forward in the areas he
found he found difficult or frustrating. In fact at a
subconscious level Doug began 'transposing' his boss,
appreciating how difficult it must be to provide coaching
to such a truculent group. This mutual empathy is a
wonderful by-product of the transposing tool and I'm happy
to report that Doug's relationship with his manager is now
flourishing.
By the way, another good reason for walking a mile in your
coachee's shoes is that if things don't work out, you'll be
a mile away and you'll have their shoes!!
----------------------------------------------------
Matt Somers is a coaching practitioner of many years'
experience. He works with a host of clients in North East
England where his firm is based and throughout the UK and
Europe. Matt understands that people are working with their
true potential locked away. He shows how coaching provides
a simple yet elegant key to this lock. For a bumper load of
coaching tips and tricks - including FREE resources - visit
http://www.mattsomers.com
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