There's a secret to gaining respect - one that I had the
good fortune to learn early in my career - and from a most
improbable source. The secret to getting respect is to give
respect.
Read on to see how that lesson was taught to me by a very
special person.
Early in my career I was Branch Manager of a temporary help
service. The largest part of our business was done in the
Labor Division. The workforce was made up of day laborers -
men who had fallen on the hardest of times. They were paid
by the hour, and could receive a daily draw against wages
earned. For most of them, working and getting the draw was
the difference between having food and shelter or going
hungry and sleeping in the Mission - or worse.
Every morning at 5:30 AM our office would open, and in
would file the men looking for work.There were as many as a
hundred who waited, drank free coffee, and hoped to be
assigned and dispatched to a job. Many were assigned - some
were not.
Early morning was a time when lots of bad things could
happen - anger at not getting assigned - anger at perceived
insults - anger at life - and anger at being treated poorly
by the full time staff. The result had been a number of
fist fights, knife fights, and one attempted shooting.
Those problems resulted in a decline in business. I was
sent there to correct the situation.
Our product was the labor that these men performed. It was
in our best interests to maintain a positive relationship
with our own people. Unfortunately, many men left for jobs
feeling angry, patronized and disrespected. Some never
showed up at their assignments, others walked off the jobs,
some forged their time tickets.
Observing the situation for a week I could understand why
the men felt that way. They were patronized - they were
treated as the bottom of the barrel - they were not given
any reason to feel valued. And when one was publicly
humiliated - and that happened too often - they all felt
that humiliation. The only thing most of these men had left
was a shred of self respect - or at least the need to feel
respected. When that need for respect was abused, when it
was not recognized, bad things happened.
The first step to change occurred when my boss gave me a
sign to put up in the office - visible only to the full
time staff. It said "There but for the grace of God, go I."
A constant reminder of the thin line between good fortune
and bad fortune.
And then we set up four rules that full time staff were
required to follow:
1 - Every man who showed up for work, regardless of his
condition or qualifications was to be addressed as "Mister"
followed by his last name. First names could be used once
the person was known. The use of any abusive name,
description or nickname was prohibited
2 - Any discipline would be done confidentially, and
without the use of abusive and demeaning terms
3- No assignments that were known to be unsafe would be
accepted
4 - Assignments would be given on the basis of length of
service, ability, past performance and availability.
Those were the rules. Some full time staff had a problem
with these simple rules - they were replaced.
Into this environment walked a man named Riley Bentley. Mr
Bentley was an African American - like about half of our
workforce. He was big, muscular and an intimidating looking
and acting man. He had a silver earring long before they
were popular, and he had a "keep away from me " manner. He
was sober, he had no problem filling out the application,
he looked you right in the eye. He was hired. From the
first day, every job he was sent on resulted in excellent
reports. He would come back every night, get his draw, and
leave. No talk, no socializing - nobody messed with Mr
Bentley.
He worked for us for about six months, then, like so many
others, he stopped showing up. We had customers tell us if
he came back they wanted to know - so they could get him
back.
After a three month absence, Mr Bentley walked back in. I
was running the Labor Office - it was hard to get and keep
full time staff who would obey the rules and treat the men
properly, and when they left or were fired, I filled in. I
was glad to see Mr Bentley and I told him so. He had lost
some weight, but he was still the strongest, hardest
working man we had. One night, Mr Bentley came back to the
office just before 6 PM - closing time. He looked me right
in the eye and said I could call him Riley. I said that he
should call me Andy, and we shook hands on it. He walked
with me to my car after I had closed up - I asked him if he
needed a ride - he said no and kept walking. That became a
regular thing. He would arrive at the office just before
closing time after working hard all day - and then chat
with me and then walk me to my car and head off into the
night.
And then Riley was gone - and I hoped he had found a full
time job - he deserved one.
A few months later Riley was back, thinner, but still as
strong as ever. I noticed he perspired a lot, even though
it was fall and cold and he did not wear a jacket. While he
was gone we had gone through two new full time staff - and
I was back to opening and closing the Labor Office. Riley
resumed coming in every night and spending time leaning on
the counter and looking out to the street while we talked
and I took care of business. Part of the business was
paying the men in cash. We kept a large sum of money in
small bills for that purpose. We had a safe but it was so
busy during the after work hours that the money was in the
safe, but the safe was kept unlocked. Anyone could have
come in and held me up. Riley could have turned me upside
down and taken the money and there would have been no way
for me to prevent it. I think Riley read my mind. One night
he told me the reason he always stayed until I locked up
and why he walked me to my car was to thank me for showing
him respect - and his thanks was to provide me with his
personal protection. I was ashamed for my concerns - and
glad I had Riley - our office was in a very tough part of
town.
Riley worked a few more weeks - he seemed to be in distress
when he came in at night - perspiring heavily, shivering,
but he persisted. He would not discuss his physical
condition, and he would never accept a ride or any other
kind of help.
And then he was gone. A few weeks later one of our regular
men came in and told me Riley had been found in his room -
in a chair - and he'd been dead about a week. I was
stunned, and saddened, and sorry about the loss of my
friend - because we were friends, in our own special way.
Riley had given me his protection as his way of expressing
his respect. I had given him respect because it just made
sense - on a personal and business level, to recognize the
humanity of our people. I was repaid a hundredfold for that
by Riley.
Ever since that time, Riley Bentley is in my prayers - and
he always will be.
Riley taught me the secret to gaining respect. The secret
has stayed with me since that time. It's pretty simple. The
secret is you get respect by giving respect. I will be
forever grateful to Riley for that lesson.
There are other elements to gaining respect, such as
keeping your word, making good on commitments, honoring
what you promise. But aren't they all part of giving
respect? I think so - giving respect is the cornerstone to
getting respect.
In your own life, take the time to recognize people that
you may have passed by. There's a saying " The true measure
of a person is how they treat someone who can do them no
good nor any harm." We all can profit from remembering that
saying, and making it part of our daily self talk and
behavior. And if you're really lucky, maybe you'll find a
Riley Bentley in your life.
Start today.
----------------------------------------------------
Andy Cox helps clients align their resources and design and
implement change through the application of goals focused
on the important few elements that have maximum impact in
achieving success - as defined by the client. He can be
reached at http://www.coxconsultgroup.com or at
acox@coxconsultgroup.com
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