Did you know that we human beings are incapable of NOT
answering a question? I just asked you a question, and you
answered it in your mind --- either you knew or you didn't
know, and it was impossible for you not to at least THINK
your answer. Isn't that true? See --- I asked you another
question, and you answered again!
Of course we don't always answer the question out loud, but
just answering it in our minds can start a thought process
that will either be useful or not. So learning to ask good
questions is a valuable communication skill.
Let's say, for example, I ask you, "Why didn't you send me
a copy of your report?" This may sound like a request for
facts, but most of us would interpret it as an accusation.
You'd think I was blaming you for not having sent me a
copy, and your answer is likely to be defensive. This can
cause resentment on both our parts and is unlikely to open
up a useful dialogue.
Consider, on the other hand, "Would you mind sending me a
copy of your report?" There's no implied criticism here,
just a simple request that's likely to get the desired
result without ill will.
This is, of course, a rhetorical question. We tend to think
of sentences starting with "would you mind..." as not
really questions, but they are. This means that the other
person must answer, even if only mentally. Of course, we
assume the answer will be positive. But effective questions
don't need to be rhetorical. Here's another example.
If I ask my team, "Why can't we reach our sales target?",
each person will immediately come up with answers as to why
we can't. With every answer, we have another apparent
justification for not reaching the target, making it harder
to find a way to do so. Any time you ask "why not?" ---
people will tell you why not.
But if I ask instead, "How can we reach our sales target?",
they will start coming up with answers in the form of ideas
to help achieve the goal. When you ask "how?" --- they will
tell you how, which is exactly what you want.
This technique of asking the right questions is a valuable
communication skill and well worth cultivating. Try it ---
next time you are about to ask a question, stop for a
moment first and make sure you phrase it in such a way that
the answer will be a constructive one.
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Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker and author,
specializing in workplace communication. Subscribe to her
free monthly e-zine, "Communi-keys" at
http://www.mhwcom.com/pages/communikeys.html and get your
free 40-page e-book, "23 ideas you can use RIGHT NOW to
communicate and succeed in your business career"
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