The power of the word is real whether or not you are
conscious of it.
Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you
want to realize. Behind every word flows energy.
Sonia Choquette
One of the most profound powers we have, in our business or
personal life, is the power of speech. The way we talk to
people, and ourselves, shapes our relationships; and these
relationships shape our world.
When you speak to someone in a gentle, loving tone of
voice, you will most likely receive a gentle, loving
response – and build a relationship of caring and trust.
When you talk to someone in a condescending manner, being
sarcastic, hateful, or just plain nasty, you will probably
get back the same.
I had an experience recently with the latter situation.
I'm in the process of setting up a new blog in WordPress
for Inner Clarity. I chose a web hosting company based on
a recommendation from another coach. This whole blog
scenario and its set-up is new to me, so I've been getting
a lot of mental exercise learning about cpanel, Fantastico,
and MySQL, etc. Sounds like a foreign language, doesn't it?
I've been working my way through the steps of learning this
new language, so I can create my blog, without much support
except online documentation. When I had questions for my
new web hosting company, I expected help – not ridicule.
In the beginning they were somewhat helpful, but obviously
irritated about my lack of experience. As time went on,
and other issues came up, they became downright
condescending in our email communications. Every day I
dreaded having to contact them about any questions or
concerns I might have encountered.
This whole situation came to a climactic end when I asked
them to make a change in my domain name set-up. As a
result of the change they made, I lost all the work I had
already entered into WordPress. They didn't inform me at
any time that this was a possibility. Nonetheless, they
managed to make it appear that the loss of data was my own
fault, and had nothing to do with the changes they made.
It seemed that the words they used and the tone of their
emails were geared towards making me feel inadequate and
ignorant - and they succeeded! While their evaluation of
my skill level, at that point, may have been accurate,
that is certainly not the way to keep customers – not to
mention get referrals. It became crystal clear that this
was not a company I wanted to deal with on an ongoing
basis, so I cancelled my account with them. My only regret
is that I didn't cancel it sooner…
What's the point of this story? If you want to build a
successful business, be aware of the impact your words have
on your customers and the people who support you. If
you're trying to irritate your clients so they'll move on,
then the condescending, sarcastic words and tone of voice
may be appropriate. But if you want to have happy
customers and support people, you probably want to take a
different tactic.
Here are 3 tips for choosing the right words to fit your
situation.
1. Use the "positivity sandwich". When you have a need to
correct someone, express disappointment, or give feedback,
use the "positivity sandwich". This is a term coined by
Dale Carnegie; author of the classic "How to Win Friends
and Influence People". This concept operates on the basic
premise that you can tell anyone anything if you sandwich
it between two positive statements.
When using the positivity sandwich, the ACT with Tact
approach may be helpful. ACT is an acronym for Appreciate,
Correct (or Communicate), and Thank. In the book by Linda
Kavelin Popov, "A Pace of Grace", she writes about the ACT
with Tact approach for giving feedback about sensitive
situations. Here's an example.
My ex-web hosting company could have said something like,
"I appreciate and understand you're trying to learn
something new. Why don't you try doing it this way? We
value your business". Can you imagine what a different
relationship we would have had!
2. Use the "Would you be willing" approach. When there's
something you want, but don't quite know how to get it
without offending the other person and starting an
argument, try asking them "would you be willing to…" This
is an approach used by Marshall Rosenburg, in his
enlightening work on Nonviolent Communication. When you
use this gentle approach to a sensitive situation, it shows
you are caring and considerate of the other person's
feelings and whatever may be going on in their life. In
this way, you can ask for what you want without
criticizing, condemning, or complaining. Just be sure
you're using a tone of voice that says you're being sincere
in your request.
3. What do you say when you talk to yourself? You tend to
show the world the feelings you have inside of you. If
you're being critical and condemning yourself on a regular
basis, it's tough to be in a state of graciousness to
others. The solution to self-criticism is to catch
yourself when that internal critic takes over, STOP it in
its tracks, and instead look for things you have done
right – things that you can appreciate about yourself.
Elevate your negative self-talk to, "I know how to do
this", or "I'm clear about the next logical step to take",
or "I know I can figure out how to….", etc.
We all have our unique approaches to life. Just because
your internal guidance led you to do something a particular
way, and someone else did it differently, doesn't mean you
were wrong. It just means you're different. We need
different viewpoints and creations in this world. Be
willing to give up the self-criticism and celebrate your
uniqueness. Don't get hung up on the "good opinion of
others". Here's a wonderful quote that expresses the
beauty of diversity.
"You don't get harmony when everyone sings the same note."
- Doug Floyd
The power of your words, whether external or internal,
shapes your world and carries over into your physical and
emotional state of being. Your internal critic may be
replaying those critical and condemning words you heard as
a child. These are the words you came to believe because
other people were describing you to you, and we tend to
believe other people more than we believe ourselves –
especially as a small child. You can learn to replace
these hurtful words with words of love and support for
yourself.
If you're having a challenge in your life, whether it is
health, finances, personal, or business; look to see if
your words are supporting or hindering your progress
towards your goals. You may find the answer to your
challenges just by listening to what you say when you talk
to yourself.
----------------------------------------------------
Sandy Reed, Certified Life Coach, ex-corporate manager, and
small business owner, is the coach to call for support when
you're ready to break out of the corporate prison, and
create a life of freedom and flexibility. Visit her
website at http://www.innerclaritylifecoaching.com for more
tools and information and to sign-up for her free
mini-ecourse "7 Steps to Personal Power".
No comments:
Post a Comment