The following techniques are used by serious and expert
negotiators. Watch for them when negotiating. When they
appear, know immediately that you are negotiating with an
expert. Over time, you will find them becoming more and
more a part of your negotiating style.
• When you have gotten most of what you wanted while
remaining within your negotiating limits, stop negotiating.
You will almost always get about 80 percent of what you
want; and trying to get the other 20 percent frequently
jeopardizes the 80 percent you have already gotten. It may
not be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but it is
more than adequate for the good life.
• Never argue.
Remember, you are a negotiator and arguing only lets the
other person know that you are not a first-class
negotiator. Argue if you must; but understand that arguing
is never an appropriate substitute for negotiating.
• If you can avoid it, never let the negotiations reduce to
a single issue.
Avoid letting negotiations reduce to a single condition
either on your list or mine. If necessary, reintroduce a
condition that seems to have already been resolved. Why? If
there is only one issue, then it quickly becomes a simple
yes or no decision. In this case, there is no further room
for negotiating; and a box has been created. One of us has
to decide yes or no. It becomes a 'take it or leave it'
proposition. If things get to this point, we are no longer
negotiating. Keep enough issues 'on the table' to assure
that there is always negotiating content or 'grist for the
mill,' as they say.
• Remember that people do not want the same things.
You know someone is running a game on you if he/she says,
'After all, we want the same thing.' This is virtually
never true. You want to actualize your interest and I want
to actualize mine. We may have some shared or common
interest; but we will also have some interest that are not
shared. As a skilled negotiator, you will recognize and
acknowledge both our shared interests and those interests
we hold as individuals.
• Understand and mention my needs, problems, and interests.
When you do this, though, do not state them as facts. Say
instead, 'If I understand, you have a problem
(need/interest) that I understand in this way…' Once you
have mentioned the problem as you understand it, ask me,
'Does it seem to you like I understand or do we need to
talk about this some more so I better understand?' Always
convey a sense to me that I, my problems, my needs, and my
interests are important to you and are being taken
seriously by you.
• Always keep your focus on task - on the negotiations.
Never shift focus to me or to personalities. Even when you
are talking with me about your perceptions of my problems,
needs, and interests, do so in ways that are related to our
negotiations - to the transfer conditions.
•Focus on-task with flexibility.
If my style is to let the conversation drift, socialize,
talk about other things, or to move away from task, 'go
with the flow.' Always be personable, friendly, and
interested. At the same time, though, look for
opportunities to return to task gently, tactfully, and
without becoming forceful or pushy.
• Be willing to walk.
Never get into a position where you are not willing to
walk, terminate the negotiations. If I ever get the
impression that you will hang in there no matter what, you
are totally at my mercy. At a minimum, I will probably be
able to get you to give me more than you really wanted to
give. Also, I will simply 'dig in' and give no more than I
have already offered. In fact, if I really believe that you
will not walk, you may find me actually reducing my offer.
Simply remember that, if you ever reach a point where you
are unwilling to walk, the negotiations are over. The
outcome is totally under my control.
•You are horse trading.
Remember that 80 percent of the movement will occur during
the final 20 percent of the process. Here we are talking
about an old horse trading principle. Always save a little
of your consideration for the final moments of the
negotiating process. Do not run out of negotiating room
until you get to the end of the negotiating process. Always
have a couple of options left for horse trading. Another
benefit is that I will leave the negotiation feeling that I
got the last concession. That will make me feel a little
smug and feel as if I am the superior negotiator. Among
other things, this will probably lead to my underestimating
you the next time we negotiate.
• Don't become impatient.
The person with whom you are negotiating will gradually get
a little frustrated and will want to move the process
along. He/she will probably be impatient with only 20
percent of the progress being made during the first 80
percent of the available time. Here, the key is to relax,
be patient, and simply out wait the other person. There is
a strong likelihood that he/she will make an additional
offer, increase his/her consideration, or do something else
to move the process along. Just by being more patient and
waiting, you have gotten more of what you wanted.
So far, I have tried to maintain a proper level of
objectivity and style. Since we have come to the end of
this article, though, I thought that you might like to know
about one additional game that may not quite maintain the
professional demeanor that has been present to this point.
This has been designated as 'The Call Girl Principle.' The
principle says that the value of a service declines in
direct proportion to the amount of time it has been since
you have received the service. Of course, this is why the
call girl always wants to be paid in advance. Good
negotiators always make sure that there are definite
arrangements made for how much they are going to receive
and when they are going to receive it. Whenever possible,
they receive it in advance. 'You do what you are going to
do for me and then I will do what I am going to do for
you.' By this point, though, you will undoubtedly be able
to go the call girl principle one better. Try it when you
and your spouse are in the lover's dimension of your
marriage. What is this advanced principle called? You
guessed it - simultaneous sex. As with many things in life,
it is usually better to do it together than to take turns.
----------------------------------------------------
This article is excerpted from The Frustration Factor from
Glenbridge Publishing. For more Articles and other
information from Gary Crow, visit
http://www.LeadershipVillage.com
or http://www.LeadershipVillage.org
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