Mary was the office manager for a large construction
company - and with her keen eye for detail, she ran a tight
ship. She had the respect and loyalty of both her employer
and her staff - but when her boss cajoled Mary into taking
on his daughter Bianca for a university work placement,
things rapidly began to slide downhill.
Bianca was an only child and the apple of her father's eye.
Mary felt that her boss had a blinkered view of Bianca's
abilities and privately, she felt that the young woman had
a "Princess" attitude.
Fed up with having to remind Bianca to follow office
procedure - and aware that the others in her team were
being negatively affected by her airs and graces - Mary had
turned to me for help.
Clearly Mary felt that she was in a no-win situation.
Admitting that she'd never have recruited Bianca in the
first place, she also knew that her boss wouldn't take
kindly to her complaints about his daughter. But she could
also see that she was rapidly beginning to lose credibility
with the rest of the team, who expected Mary to sort things
out.
I asked Mary what irritated her most about Bianca. "Well,"
she replied, "she's lazy, she won't do the mundane tasks
that we all have to do and she seems to think that we're
lucky to have her. But I'm sick and tired of having to nag
her to do simple tasks."
It was an educated guess, but I suspected that it was the
nagging that was making a bad situation worse. "I can so
understand why you feel the need to remind her what needs
to be done," I said, "but perhaps she can't understand why
you want her to do these tasks. And maybe she's pretty
thick skinned and has simply learned throughout her life
that if she doesn't do something, in the end someone else
will do it for her!"
Mary looked cross. "Well, I hope you're not going to start
making excuses for her!"
"Certainly not," I replied. "But understanding what's going
on is the first step. Now all we need do is find a way to
motivate her. For example, many of us find it easier to
get motivated to do something when we understand why it's
important for us to do it. Helping her to see the bigger
picture in this way will help a little.
"It would also be beneficial if you could organise a
mini-appraisal with her. Ask her how she's enjoying the job
and what would make it better from her perspective. You
could also get her to think about how she's fitting in with
the rest of the team. You could also take the opportunity
to find out what her career aspirations are - and give her
some guidance as to the kind of behaviours she'll need to
exhibit if she's going to succeed."
Mary nodded slowly, seeing the sense in my suggestions. But
I hadn't quite finished. I had an ace up my sleeve.
I continued, "The key to successful communication is to
reinforce the behaviours you want! When Bianca does
something right, praise her. When she gets it wrong, make
as little fuss as possible. As humans, we like to fit in
and be praised - so subconsciously, we choose to do more of
what wins us praise and less of what doesn't. All the time
that you're nagging at Bianca, she's ignoring what you're
saying because it doesn't feel good! Reinforce her positive
behaviours and without realising why she's doing it, you'll
start to see her attitudes changing."
Mary promised to give it a go - recognising that perhaps
she had little other choice. But when we caught up for a
coffee and a chat a couple of months later, she was almost
evangelical!
"I could never have believed that I could make so much
difference in someone else," Mary had told me. "While it
felt uncomfortable for me at first - especially as I didn't
feel that Bianca actually deserved any praise - I did my
best to focus on the behaviours I wanted from her, rather
than on those that I didn't want. The results have been
almost miraculous. And I knew I'd got it right when
Bianca's father - my boss - took me out for lunch week to
thank me for teaching his daughter how to be more
professional at work."
----------------------------------------------------
Olivia Stefanino is a leadership consultant, speaker and
author of the internationally acclaimed management book,
"Be Your Own Guru". Interviewed on more than 25 radio
stations and featured in "The Guardian", "Natural Health"
& "Red", Olivia is a guest columnist for a number of
national and international publications. Download your
fr*ee e-booklet, "128 ways to harness your personal power!"
by visiting http://www.beyourownguru.com